What stories do you tell yourself?
Are they positive, happy, courageous, exciting and fun, compassionate? OR negative, sad, fearful, boring, self lothing?
My story has been a little up and down as I expressed in my last blog "Happy World Meditation Day". Pre 30's I was pretty much like any other young woman, doing ok at the whole 'life thing', loving my job, enjoying my independence in my little flat, great social life, wonderful friends, wonderful partner...yep it was pretty much ok!...or was it?
Looking back now I'm not sure I was enjoying my life...I think I was living life but not necessarily loving the life I was living. I now believe most of what I did, was for other people and only a little was for me! Somewhere along the line I got into 'thinking'...How do they want me to do it; how should I be doing it; what was the right way to do it; would I upset someone if I did it differently; would they fall out with me if I didn't do it their way? When I write it all down like that, it most definitely does not sound like an enjoyable life. Now, that isn't to say that I was being forced into doing all those things, they were just the stories I was telling myself everyday, day in day out forming a habit. Without even realising it, I was 'thinking' my way through life instead of 'feeling' through my heart and soul. No one else was telling me those stories, yes others were giving their opinions and thoughts, but they were theirs not mine. When you stop and give yourself time to reflect, which I have been able to do the last 6 months, you can start to see so clearly where life can go pear shaped for some of us, through our own doing!!!
It's all in our mind and thoughts our vrtti, we are constantly thinking -' what if'? firing up our sympathetic nervous system, putting ourselves into fight or flight mode, being fearful. Somewhere along the line i stopped feeling and started thinking about absolutely everything. This is where Yoga helped me put my life into perspective. Through asana (postures), pranayama (breathing) and dyana (meditation), and all the support of the Soul Sanctuary Community, I have come out of thinking and back into feeling...and what a lovely place to be as my life has become easier and my suffering has ceased (most of the time). Since practicing dhyana (meditation) I have been delving deeper into the philosophy of yoga and trying to fathom out Pantanjali's Yoga Sutras which state that if you remove the modifications of the mind (the things that distract us), we are able to live life without suffering. So when you decide to stop worrying about what others think of you and how stuff should be done, alongside being compassionate towards yourself, you start to realise you are all you need to be happy and life becomes lighter somehow. You start to appreciate every wonderful person/animal/object/environment/opportunity in your life.You start to see the humour in most things and stop worrying about what might happen and enjoy what is happening in every moment and you begin to feel grateful for each of those moments.
So for me, my journey to find my soul began with Yoga with the beautiful Soul Sanctuary and that is how I intend to continue. I will be practicing dhyana (meditation) everyday when I wake up from sleep and realise how grateful I am to have found this amazing practice, which enables me to watch my thoughts and detach myself from them giving me tranquility and peace on and off my mat. I will also be joining my community of Yogis to breathe and stretch each and everyday and fulfil my body's need to move and keep healthy and fit. My learning will carry on through various courses, Yoga Teacher Training and Meditation Teacher Training. This will keep my brain active and knowledgeable in the hope that one day, I can inspire other like minded individuals who tell themselves unhelpful stories and want to find their path back to themselves.
In the meantime, I will keep telling myself beautiful positive stories and be compassionate towards myself and I hope you will too xx
The following is a beautiful quote from one of my Yoga Teachers Laura Barrett of the Yoga Love Collective. Thank you so much Laura for sharing your wisdom, authenticity and beauty.
"Today I choose to love, to hold and to nourish myself in all her beauty. I reclaim all the parts of me I so eagerly gave away. Today I choose love"
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